Marriage

During my recent trip to Argentina we were sitting at a table talking about different issues, some of them local, which I hardly have an opinion on, believe it or not, but one that kept coming up was the fact that most of our generation’s marriages have ended in divorce. We were counting at the table and out of 7 people sitting there, 5 were divorced. That leaves only 2 of us still living with our first spouses. And the first thing that came to mind was that statistics show in the US that out of all marriages 50% or more will end in divorce. Well, at the table that evening, that wasn’t even close, it was more like 70%. I understand that marriage is not an easy enterprise but that seems like a high number. I am not trying to condemn anybody, I am only stating a fact. The other thing that I found interesting is that many people, some of them who’ve had previous marriages and have failed, have taken the route of just living together. I am a very liberal individual, and again not trying to pass judgment here, but I find it hard to believe when people are asked if they have any intentions of formalizing their relationship, which means marrying the person they are living with, most of times I get the same answer: “we are fine the way we are”. That gives the feeling of insecurity, of unwillingness to jump into the pool. From the outside it sounds like I like you but I am not willing to make a commitment to you and to myself that we are in it for the long run. I understand newly couples who are testing to waters and are not sure about each other, and I am ok with that. But when the relationship has been there for a while I think it is just “living in sin” for the fun of it. This also happens with couples who have never been married and have been living together for quite some time. There are sections of our society who want this right and are denied the possibility of marriage, but because of religious and other reasons people of the same sex are not able to enjoy all the benefits and hardships that heterosexuals have in the USA with the exception of a few states that have embrace the concept.
But going back to why this alarming number of marriage breakups is happening the theme that kept coming up was that some divorces were being caused in part because of the change in women’s rolls. I know that I will make many enemies with this but again this is the feedback I am getting. Women went from being, as I call it, “home stayers” to be out there in huge numbers in the workforce. What do I mean by home stayers, my mother’s generation, and previous to that as well, women would stay at home raising the kids, washing, cooking, etc. For many reasons women have gone into the workforce, and I sympathize with most of them. On a one hand there is no doubt that today’s society has put a much bigger burden on families because of the high cost of medical bills, education, etc. But women have become, in many instances as well, CEOs, and other high position, and unfortunately it has affected relationships. And this is where I see a problem. I read what the Apostle Paul (St. Paul for many Christians) says in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13 vers. 4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” That, I think, is and should always be a tremendous message to both men and women who want to use their position in a relationship as a way of extortion. We, many times here the phrase: I have my own money. That sounds to me like boasting.
I don’t blame women for all divorces, that would not only be unfair but it would also be categorical, and I don’t believe in things being categorical. I guess it will take men and women to get used to their new roles in this modern society we live in.

Vacation 2009

As my stay in Argentina is winding down, and I am almost with a foot on the plane I cannot help but think, as I do every year that I come here, what will the next 12 months have in store for me until I return to my place of birth.
I admit that I take my visit here as the beginning of the (fiscal) year, but also from other perspectives. I guess it’s because of the football season, the basketball, which means that winter is just round the corner in New Jersey. Here, in Buenos Aires, people are counting the days until spring. It is very funny to see them in thick jackets, overcoats and scarfs with temperatures in the 40s and 50s. They even had days when the temperature went up to 80s. In winter. This would be considered spring at home, but here people talk about the cold as if they lived in the pole. The maximum clothing I’ve wore has been a light jacket that I wear in early fall.
There are always reasons for sadness when I leave my country, family of course is number one. The fact that my parents are entering, what they call, the final approach after a long and rewarding journey, is of concern. Not of their final destination, because I know that my savior came to die for us and conquer death, but as humans, we, many times, are selfish, and want them to stay longer in this brief stay of us in this world that we loosely call life. So, hopefully, when I come back the following year and find them here it is a time of rejoice again, a time of thanksgiving.
This year I also take with me the happiness of having seen again many friends, some that I haven’t seen in 35 years, others 27, 23, 16, and some that I see every year and that hold great value for me.
I am also very grateful that God has given us the possibility to come here, given us safety as we travel and more than anything else, given us good health. I always wonder when people treasure other things more, such as money. There are many things in life that money has no part of. Somebody said many years ago: “There where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be.” Words of knowledge.
We tend to rush through life without a compass, just pedaling full speed ahead, to come to the conclusion, late in the journey, that we missed some valuable gifts that life had laid ahead of us only to embrace and appreciate things that were not important, or that left anything special in our lives, or the lives of others.

A mis ex-compañeros de colegio

Ahora que se hizo el ultimo brindis, y que todo ha vuelto a la normalidad, es el tiempo de una refleccion. Podemos hacer dos tipos de reflexiones, una de melacolia y tristeza, u otra de alegria. Como humanos es muy facil caer en la tentacion de la tristeza, del bajon, luego de la exhuberancia, de la adrenalina de todo el planeamiento. Las expectativas, hasta cierto punto, son lo que a uno lo siguen motivando, aunque haya obstaculos. Los obstaculos son imposibles de evitar. Hay cosas como la distancia, la salud, y muchas otras cosas que vienen a la mente, que tienen un papel muy importante en esto. Pero la idea de poder pasar el tiempo hablando, en muchos casos recordando las cosas que haciamos, en otras charlando de no solamente el pasado pero de la era post secundaria, y experiencias, es muy valorable. Para mi, y no creo que hable por mi solamente, no eran unicamente amigos, dado que todos hemos dejado una marca en el otro, de una manera u otra. La prueba de ello es que podiamos hablar y remontarnos a hechos como si hubiesen transcurrido ayer. Esto es donde la melancholia puede introducirse. Pero este no es el caso. La gran mayoria del tiempo era alegria y jolgorio. Y esto es donde la alegria entra en escena. Porque soy un creyente que la vida se vive una sola vez, deberiamos valorar cada momento, dado que no se volvera a repetir. Mas que nada siempre se agradecido por lo que tu creador te ha dado, y te da todos los dias de tu vida. Tomamos siempre las cosas como que nunca van a faltar, sin darnos cuenta que la vida se pasa en un abrir y cerrar de ojos. Para cuando nos damos cuenta la gran mayoria sino toda laq vida ya ha pasado.
Cuando uno es joven y normalmente rebelde no es consciente del tiempo. Puedo hablar de esto por un rato largo pero no es el objetivo de este blog.
Para cerrar me gustaria decir que estoy eternamente agradecido a todos por haber tirado todos en una misma direccion y haberlo logrado.
Muchos de mis ex-compañeros se pasaron los dias previos, durante e inclusive despues de la fiesta dandome gracias por haber puesto tanto esfuerzo en esto. Y yo podria darme una palmada en la espalda y decir “HICISTE UN BUEN TRABAJO”, y eso seria no unicamente fanfarroneria sino tambien desonesto. No era la promocion de Alejandro Anderson, sino la promocion del ’74. Esto fue un trabajo en equipo. Y por este motive fue un exito. Yo solamente tuve un sueño, y gracias al esfuerzo y trabajo de todos nosotros puedo entonces ahi decir: “LO HICIMOS”, “LOGRAMOS QUE ESTO FUESE UN EXITO”.
Como vengo de lejos quiero hacer una mencion a los que tuvieron que viajar lejos de sus hogares por esto.
Amigos mios los quiero, y siempre los querre.
DIOS LOS BENDIGA

To my shcoolmates

Now that the last toast was made, and the dust has settled, it is time to have a reflection. We can have a reflection of melancholy or we can have a reflection of happiness. As humans it is very easy to fall trap to the sadness, to the low, after the exuberance, the adrenaline of the whole planning. The expectations are, to a certain extent, what keep you going, even when there are hurdles. And the hurdles are unavoidable. There are things such as distance, health, and many others that come to mind, that play a major role in this. But the idea of being able to spend time talking, in some instances remembering the things we used to do, in others discussing the not so old past but just the after high school life and experiences with old friends, is precious. For me they were not just friends, and I don’t think that I only speak for myself here, as each one has left his mark in each other, in one way or another. The proof of it is that we were able to go back in time and talk of things as if they had just happened yesterday. This is where melancholy can sip in. But that was not the case. Most of it was laughter and joy. And this is where the happiness comes into the picture. Because I am a believer that we live only once, and we should cherish every moment that passes, as it will never repeat itself again. More than anything always be thankful for what our creator has given, and give us on a daily basis. We tend to take things for granted not realizing that life goes by in just a blink. By the time you realize most if not all has gone by. When you are young and usually restless you are not consciousness about time. We can go on with this topic forever but that is not the goal of this blog.
To close I would to say that I am very grateful to everybody for pulling together and make this happen. Most of my former schoolmates spent some of the time during the days ahead, throughout, and even after the party thanking me for having put some much effort into it. And I can pad myself in the back saying “YOU DID IT”, and that would be not only presumptuous but also dishonest. We were not the class of Alec Anderson we were the class of ’74. This was a team effort. And because of that it was successful. I only had a dream, and because of the effort, support and work of all us I can say: “WE DID IT”, “WE MADE IT HAPPEN”.
As I come from far away I want to thank those who had to leave their families for this event.
I love you guys, I’ll always will.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL

The USA and its future

A friend of mine, for whom I have great admiration because of his years as a missionary, for investing his life into putting in practice the great commission where Jesus commanded us to: “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." He has done exactly that.
I am deeply saddened that he has moved, but through the wonders of the internet still have him close to me.
In his blog he makes reference to something that, as a foreigner, I always wondered how people in this United States never objected to, and that is the outrageous income of CEOs. As somebody who believes in real competition when companies are profitable I accept well paying jobs for everybody, shareholders, employees, management. But I find amazing that the shareholders don’t question the performance of CEOs who have run the companies to the ground. They still pay them grotesque payoffs even though they didn’t deserve them.
There are a couple of things, and I know that it sounds repetitive, but as a foreigner I probably notice that other people overlook, one is the fact the US is heading rapidly to, what I call, the 14th of July of 1789. To most Americans that means nothing. But to those of us who still remember history from high school, that was Bastille Day, or the French Revolution. What significance does that have, for starters it is the public revolting against the authorities, what Leona Helmsley would call the “little people” revolting against their repressors. And why is this of significance? Because many times during history powerful people would exploit, curtail people’s civil liberties. In my view this sounds similar to what corporations (powerful people hiding behind large entities) are doing. The gap between the haves and have nots is becoming unsustainable. In order for Capitalism to survive, consumption of goods to exist, we need a big middle class to consume those goods. When jobs are exported for the benefit of the few, those people who had good paying jobs no longer have them, and their capacity to consume has been drastically reduce.
The second thing is when I think of what brought the Roman Empire, to a certain extent, to its demise: a Senate out of touch with the needs of the population, an uneducated population, corruption, degradation, the overextension of the empire. This sounds awfully familiar with what the US is going through right now. The lack of education allows thing to happen such as people being mislead into conflicts with other countries, with false information, having their civil liberties totally violated on false reasons, being told that if the government provides a public option in healthcares it will mean death camps for the elderly. If people would have tools, such as reliable means of information, that put news and public at the core of their business, and not the bottom line and the interest of the few at the expense of the public, figures like Walter Cronkite who were trusted by the audience. The public is scared and justifiably so, because they don’t know where to turn to in order to make an educated decision of what is wrong and write.
All this is troubling because when times are good there is usually nothing to worry about, but when times are rough people panic.
For somebody like myself who feels that has passed the midterm line of his life I always wonder what lays in the future for my kids. And based on what I have said already above everything in my mind tells me that “interesting” days lay ahead.

Argentina 2009

I have been back in Argentina for a few days, and even though it is my place of birth I no longer feel it as my home. It is just the place where I grew up and where family and some good friends live.
Nevertheless this year will have a special meaning as we have been planning a school reunion. Many of us have not seen each other in 35 years, a long time, at least in our lifetime, because we all are are in our early fifties. My grandfather used to say that in the mind of those who leave the ones who stay don’t age. That is a true statement, although not true in reality, unless you are John Lennon, John F. Kennedy or any other famous personality who will always stay young, because they died young, and in our mind they will never age. I have already discovered what it means to face somebody one hasn’t seen in such a long period of time. Neither that person nor myself could recognize each other at the beginning. I later made a comment to my parents that I was, to a certain degree, in shock with the way the other person looked. They said that I was probably still expecting to find the same young girl that I remembered from November of ’74, to which I admitted that it was true. They then said something that is very true: “have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You have aged as well”. I never thought of that.
As far as the reunion is concerned I feel proud to have come up with the idea. And even though some people have told me that I am longing for that period, or that I don’t want to grow up, that is absolutely false, and nonsense. There are several reasons why I thought of this: One is, like I told one of my former schoolmates the other day, I have come to the conclusion that I have passed the halfway mark of my life, and that the second half will pass, or should I say is passing much quicker than the first one; two, we were the first promotion in that school, we were only six women, and six men. Of those twelve, one is no longer on this world. Due to the fact that we were so few each one has left a mark in each other. We were very united. And some have maintained friendship during all these years, but not all of us. And last but not least I was intrigued to see what had become of them. Had they married, did they have kids, what kind of careers had they pursued, etc.
One of the first persons I had spoken to during all this, and that does not live in Buenos Aires (where the reunion is taking place), that means she is coming just for this, was asking me yesterday if I felt important. The answer is NO. I am extremely happy that this is taking place. I deserve the same credit as the people who are travelling by coach for 14 hours just to be here for this. My greatest goal is that after I go back to New Jersey, where I live, that they stay in contact with each other. Some of them, as I said earlier, live far away. But some of them lived 5 or 10 minutes away from each other, and had lost contact . That is a sin. I live 5,000 miles away, and will do whatever it takes to stay in contact with them. I encouraged most, if not all of them, to become members, if they were not already, of facebook, as it gave them the opportunity to see each others photographs, have each others email, etc.
I know we will have a great time regardless of the way we look.

Obama and Race

When I moved to the USA in 1985 and started attending Madison Avenue CRC I felt that that racial issues, to a certain degree, had been resolved. Having come myself from a country that did not have any black people this was a feeling, a sentiment that I had never been exposed to. When we traveled with the family to Atlanta one thing that surprised me, when we took the bus in downtown to visit the historic sites that had been part of Martin Luther King Jr.’s life, was the fact that the only non African Americans on the mass transport were the four of bus. It did not bother me just surprised me. As we were driving back from Atlanta I saw a car in the Carolinas that in the rear seat had a confederate flag. When during the campaign of 2008 Rev. Jeremiah Wright made some questionable comments the press was all over them. Obama then had to detach, disassociate himself from Rev. Wright.
But when Pastor Anderson from Arizona prayed for Obama’s death most of press not only did not question this but, with the exception of a few honest venues that reported it, did not even show it on their news networks.
As a foreigner, as an observer, I was hopeful last November that America had moved forward, that it was starting to come to terms with a dreadful period of its history, and just like Martin Luther King Jr. had said that we should judge a man by his character and not by the color of his skin.
But it seems that this country not only did not accept a man with a different skin color, but that it will find anything to discredit him and in the case of Pastor Anderson inciting to commit murder in his congregation, followed also by the nonsense of the proof of his citizenship. Since when are we so concerned with proof of citizenship of a president, requiring birth certificate (that already has been provided)? How come we never questioned anything regarding McCain and the fact that he was born in Panama?
And, as a Christian myself, I must say that the worst in this case are Southern Christians. They remind me of the times of South African apartheid when whites use to say that the bible was written for the white man. I have not found anything that would validate that in the bible. I guess that they have never been to Israel/Palestine and have seen what a pure Sabra looks like. They would be in shock to understand that they savior was not a white blonde man with blue eyes. But more than that, after 24 years of living in this wonderful, fascinating and ever changing country, my biggest disappointment are a vast portion of evangelicals, who use the bible not as the word of God for the good, for the Glory of our creator, to share the good news, but for their own advantage. I have been trying to disciple a gentleman with whom I share age, and probably other things as well. And he tells me that most of the, and I quote, so-called Christians do not behave in a Christian way. I also have my daughter who feels disillusioned with Christianity, an opinion I don’t agree with, but I respect and understand. She says that “most” Christians are hypocrites, a view that I don’t share, because that would be too drastic of a position. But here is a list of things I don’t agree with some evangelicals: their view of the invasion of Iraq, their view on the role of America in terms of imperialism, in the total disregard of other countries sovereignty, in the total lack of compassion for the needy, the fact that we are caretakers of God’s precious land and resources.
Those are not the reason our Lord gave his life on the cross.
I am not saying that ALL Christians behave in this way, it is probably that the ones who are most noticeable are those who enjoy positions of privilege. To whom much is given much is expected.