Marriage

During my recent trip to Argentina we were sitting at a table talking about different issues, some of them local, which I hardly have an opinion on, believe it or not, but one that kept coming up was the fact that most of our generation’s marriages have ended in divorce. We were counting at the table and out of 7 people sitting there, 5 were divorced. That leaves only 2 of us still living with our first spouses. And the first thing that came to mind was that statistics show in the US that out of all marriages 50% or more will end in divorce. Well, at the table that evening, that wasn’t even close, it was more like 70%. I understand that marriage is not an easy enterprise but that seems like a high number. I am not trying to condemn anybody, I am only stating a fact. The other thing that I found interesting is that many people, some of them who’ve had previous marriages and have failed, have taken the route of just living together. I am a very liberal individual, and again not trying to pass judgment here, but I find it hard to believe when people are asked if they have any intentions of formalizing their relationship, which means marrying the person they are living with, most of times I get the same answer: “we are fine the way we are”. That gives the feeling of insecurity, of unwillingness to jump into the pool. From the outside it sounds like I like you but I am not willing to make a commitment to you and to myself that we are in it for the long run. I understand newly couples who are testing to waters and are not sure about each other, and I am ok with that. But when the relationship has been there for a while I think it is just “living in sin” for the fun of it. This also happens with couples who have never been married and have been living together for quite some time. There are sections of our society who want this right and are denied the possibility of marriage, but because of religious and other reasons people of the same sex are not able to enjoy all the benefits and hardships that heterosexuals have in the USA with the exception of a few states that have embrace the concept.
But going back to why this alarming number of marriage breakups is happening the theme that kept coming up was that some divorces were being caused in part because of the change in women’s rolls. I know that I will make many enemies with this but again this is the feedback I am getting. Women went from being, as I call it, “home stayers” to be out there in huge numbers in the workforce. What do I mean by home stayers, my mother’s generation, and previous to that as well, women would stay at home raising the kids, washing, cooking, etc. For many reasons women have gone into the workforce, and I sympathize with most of them. On a one hand there is no doubt that today’s society has put a much bigger burden on families because of the high cost of medical bills, education, etc. But women have become, in many instances as well, CEOs, and other high position, and unfortunately it has affected relationships. And this is where I see a problem. I read what the Apostle Paul (St. Paul for many Christians) says in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13 vers. 4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” That, I think, is and should always be a tremendous message to both men and women who want to use their position in a relationship as a way of extortion. We, many times here the phrase: I have my own money. That sounds to me like boasting.
I don’t blame women for all divorces, that would not only be unfair but it would also be categorical, and I don’t believe in things being categorical. I guess it will take men and women to get used to their new roles in this modern society we live in.