As I start today a new trip to visit my parents, full of uncertainty as to how are they holding, primarily my mother who was hospitalized a few times this year, I do it full of mix feelings. For the first time in many years I will go completely by myself. I think the last time I went by myself with no family members was in 1986. Since 2007 we haven’t traveled to Argentina as a family, but I’ve had my son Ian as my companion in 2008 and in 2009. This year I felt that because of my mother’s lack of health his presence, although he is very good, would just put more stress on my parents. This is where my mixed feelings come into the picture. I know that he looks forward 11 months a year to traveling and visiting family members. He reminds my parents and friends when we talk over the internet that he will come to visit them in “xyz” month and year. He is not conscious of my parents aging, so he thinks that they will always be there when he goes to Argentina, and he gives them dates way into the future.
He was still at the summer camp when I left so at least for the next few days he would be enjoying himself. My wife would pick him up Saturday morning, and as of Monday he starts his July classes at school. When I get back I will try to give him something to hold on to, the hope that next year we would be going back the two or the four of us. In the meantime I pray that God helps me put my feeling of guilt aside and make the best of this short but hopefully productive trip, trying to boost my parent’s morale, and help them in whatever way I can, allowing God to use me in whatever way he sees fit.
(written 07/08/10)
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