Friend

A little bit over 36 years we were starting our last year in high school, we were the seniors, just like we had been every year since 8th grade, as we were a new school and we were always the oldest. But this year different, we had lost some of our schoolmates, but we got two new ones, a girl who came from one of the best schools in town and a guy that had, in his words, had enough with the naval high school. It was too rigid for him, and he was ready for a different atmosphere. I eventually ended up falling for the girl, although nothing ever came out of the relationship.
On the other hand he seemed like a friendly guy but because he decided not to come with most of us to our graduation trip, so we never really had time to grow a deep relationship. He was a lot closer to another of our mates. Once we graduated I saw him again at our first reunion at one of our mates who was getting married the following year. Very shortly after I got a call from a common friend telling me that his older brother, just two years older than us, had passed away, and off we went to his brother’s wake.
We started dating each others’ wives around the same time, and together with a common friend we would go out the six of us. They came to our wedding and we were at theirs. Even with all this our relationship never seemed to be really deep. My father in law once said that in order for two couples to get along well the women need to get along well, if possible, be friends.
Then, my wife and I moved to the US. We saw them when they came to the area the following year, and although we only spent a couple of days together we had a nice time with them.
Then from 1986 through 1995 we did not see each other, my family’s visits to Buenos Aires were usually short, and we would spend most of the time with family, as part of my wife’s family was already living in the country, hours away from Buenos Aires.
In 1996 the school we had gone to was organizing a reunion, and we met again. But then after that there was a period of several years that we did not see each other.
Then one year I got his shop’s address and I went to see him. We spoke for a little while, talked about our personal lives, our struggles.
There was a spark that had just been sleeping. For some magic reason we starting communicating through messenger, over the phone, and our relationship starting building. I discovered what kind of a person he was, something that I had not noticed. I cannot blame it all on him, it was probably my fault as well. He showed me his true self, with his insecurities, his authenticity, his kindness, and our friendship blossomed. His heart is so full of love that everybody that he touches feels it. He also has a side that has pain, and possibly, to a certain degree, anger. A lot of it is to his parents, probably because, when he needed them, they were in such pain as he was, so they didn’t know what to do. It is very easy to be Monday morning quarterback, but many times we react in a strange way when tragedy hits us.
He told me once that the pain of the loose of his brother was just a strong as it was 35 years earlier when it happened. I could not believe it.
Talking to his parents once they admitted to me that they were in pain as well. The loose of a child is considered the most stressful event in a person’s life.
Although, as I said earlier in this blog, he was with us for the last year of high school, since we had our first reunion, and through the power of the internet and email, he has shared his love, his affection, his enthusiasm, with the rest of the classmates.
I tell him, whenever I have an opportunity, that I have received a lot more than what I have given him, I am thankful that he calls me his friend. I am proud to call him my friend, and even though he is still going through a bit of a bumpy road with his affections and his kids, he has a lot more to give than he realizes.
A few days ago I lost a friend to cancer, and although I am thankful that I was able to see him still alive, even though it was a heart braking to see him in the condition he was in because of his illness, my biggest regret is not having been able to tell him that, even though we had our many differences, I loved him, and valued him as a friend. So from now on I will not let the opportunities pass me by, so through this method I say, I love you brother.

Eduardo

I went to say goodbye to a good friend of mine today, he was only 68 years old and he had been sick with cancer for the past 3 years receiving chemotherapy and radiation.
I have to say that although I am glad that he is no longer suffering it was very devastating to see him in the condition that he was. He seemed to be way under 100 pounds. I left just a couple hours before he went to be with his creator, and at the time he was breathing with difficulty and what sounded like a snore. As I was leaving one of the people from hospice was arriving and she said that he was very close to his death.
It will take the family some time to recover from such a great lose, especially his daughter, as she took care and lived with him. His daughter was at his side day and night. But she has the reassurance that he was not alone at any time, even at the time of his departure, as God was there in the midst of all. His final wishes are to be cremated and that his ashes are poured on top of his parents graves in Spain, so she will take his ashes back to his place of birth and give him his place of eternal rest.
But there is also a different side to this story, and this is what gives us comfort and strength. God is compassionate, loving and omnipotent. My friend always would say that he was disenchanted with God and with everything that was related to Jesus Christ, he even went ahead and stated in his facebook page that he was an agnostic. In fact he was really disenchanted not God but with the Catholic Church, the institution itself, and its various positions. This goes back to his childhood, as my friend had been born after the end of the Spanish civil war, and, like he used to say, could see how the church had taken sides with the Nationalists, even though there were many abuses, including of civil liberties. This reminds me of the Catholic Church’s position during the dirty war in Argentina from ’76 and ’83 of staying quiet even though everybody knew of the all the abuses and disappearances. But that is the subject for another blog.
Going back to my friend, his daughter was telling me that for the last few years he had been praying every night, which goes to show that he had a relationship with his creator and his savior.
God uses every opportunity for the good, and uses every single of us as a tool to enlarge his kingdom.
Eduardo, you will be greatly missed, your “reprimands” as you used to call them, our conversations about the US, Europe, Spain, Argentina, politics, and many other subjects, but knowing that you are with your creator is of great comfort to those of us who loved you, appreciated your friendship, your thoughtfulness, as you always put other people first. It was a privilege for those of us who met you, and for those to whom you called a friend as you always had a caring heart.
The pain is over, the suffering has ended. Now you are in God's safe hands.
Rest your soul in peace.