Apoyo en momentos dificiles

Hace unos días recibí una triste noticia, la seňora de una persona que considero más que un amigo había fallecido.
Este blog es sobre que decirle a un familiar que acaba de perder a un ser querido, sin ser metido, sin ser entrometido, sin tocar el tema que es más obvio, el hecho de haber perdido ese ser querido, y por otro lado intentando de hacerle sentir a esa persona que uno está tratando, dentro de sus limitaciones, de darle un poco de apoyo, un intento de levantarle el ánimo.
Siempre dá la impresión que a uno, como en mi caso que siempre está hablando, en muchos casos de más, en ese momento le faltan las palabras. Es como si tuviese la mente en blanco, y lo peor de todo es que está en el momento tratando de pensar en algo y nada viene a la mente.
Yo soy uno de ellos que me paso dando vueltas con el tema, que no me lo puedo sacar de la cabeza. Porque algo por dentro me dice esta persona te necesita, no podes en estas circunstancias borrarte. Es muy facil estar de joda, divirtiendote, pero cuando algo malo pasa no se puede dejar a esa persona de lado. No creo en el dicho que dice: “ríe, y el mundo reirá contigo, llora y llorarás solo”. Porque esos no son mis valores. En ingles hay un dicho que dice: “a friend in need is a friend indeed”, traducido (o adpatado) un amigo en necesidad es un verdadero amigo. Y ésta es mi forma de pensar y los valores que guían mi vida.
En definitiva lo que quiero decir con ésto es que en estos momentos, difíciles, es cuando se ve la amistad que uno tiene y siente, aunque las palabras no vengan a la mente, y la presencia física, como en mi caso, no se pueda dar, saber que en espíritu, en oraciones, en cualquier tipo de apoyo sentimental esa persona pueda saber que no están completamente solos en la tormenta, y que hay alguien que de una u otra manera está con ellos teniendo, o tendiendole la mano.

Envejeciendo

De un tiempo a esta parte he estado pensando en el hecho de que estoy envejeciendo. Esto puede parecer paranoia, pero no lo es. Me encuentro padeciendo las típicas cosas de mi edad, anteojos, cholesterol alto, alta presión, el hecho que cuando cargo algo pesado o cuando subo laderas empinadas me canso. Me acuerdo cuando mi abuelo, hace unos cuantos aňos atrás, nos quiso ayudar a cargar con un colchón, y le dijimos que no, se sientió ofendido. Habíamos herido sus sentimientos. En ese momento era más joven y no entendía que lo que habiamos hecho era hacerle sentir que no podia hacerlo más. El espíritu es joven pero…
También me doy cuenta que estoy envejeciendo, primero, por medio de mis padres, y el hecho de que están envejeciendo, segundo, por mis hijos, dado que están creciendo. Victoria se va a ir a una universidad en cuestión de meses, e Ian se ha convertido en un hombre. Es increible lo rápido que pasa el tiempo. Lo digo no solamente porque mis hijos crecen, sino lo que más me ha hecho consciente de ello fué la reunion que tuvimos en mi ultimo viaje a Argentina. No me afectó el hecho de verlos cambiados a mis ex-compaňeros , dado que me miro todos los días en el espejo, y todos hemos cambiado, pero lo que más me afectó, y creo que todavía lo estoy razionalizando, es el hecho de que han pasado 35 aňos desde que egresamos del colegio secundario. Es realmente el hecho del paso del tiempo que me ha shoqueado. Todavía no puedo creer que tanto tiempo ha pasado desde nuestra graduación . No soy uno de esos que desea vivir en el pasado, aunque a muchos le dé esa impresión. Estoy agradecido por esos momentos, los guardo en mi corazón pero estoy contento con el presente. El presente no es perfecto, pero nada lo es, tampoco lo era el pasado. Pero lo que quiero decir con presente es que es todo lo que tengo, lo estoy viviendo, disfrutando cada momento. Para mi mirar hacia el futuro no tiene sentido. Si nos obsesionamos con el futuro no disfrutamos el presente. El pasado es una memoria, y siempre elegimos las memorias que más nos interesan, por eso pensamos que el pasado era mejor.
Con respecto a envejecer es alarmante que rápido pasa el tiempo. La vida pasa en un abrir y cerrar de ojos. O también podemos mirar el vaso medio lleno y decir “el tiempo pasa rápido cuando la estamos pasando bien”.

Aging

For some time I have been thinking about the fact that I am aging. This may seem like paranoia, but it isn’t. I see myself starting to deal with typical things of my age, glasses, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, the fact that when I carry heavy stuff or go up steep slopes I get tired. I remember a few years ago when my grandfather tried to help sharing the load of a light mattress we said not to, and he felt offended. We had hurt his feelings. At the time I was too young to understand but we had told him that he was not up to it anymore. We don’t realize that we are aging, that the body is not the same. Our spirit is young but….
I also notice the fact that I am aging in many things, first, through my parents and the fact that they are getting old, second, with my kids growing up. Victoria will be leaving to go to college in just a few months, and Ian has become a young gentleman. It is amazing how fast time flies, not just with my kids growing up, but I did realize it because of the reunion that we had during my last trip to Argentina. It did not affect me to see them changed, because I see myself every day in the mirror and I realize that we all change. But the thing that affected me the most, and I think I am trying to still come to terms with is the fact that 35 years have passed since we finished high school. It is the time factor that has me shocked. I cannot believe that such a long time has passed since our graduation. And I am not one of those longing for the past, even though it may appear that way. I know other people who long for days gone by but I look at life in a different way. I am thankful for those moments, I cherish them but I am happy with the present. What I mean by the present is not that everything is perfect, nothing ever is, the past was not perfect either. What I mean is that the present is all I have, and I am living it, enjoying the moment.
And I don’t think it makes any sense to look into the future. If we worry about the future we do not enjoy the present. The past is a memory, and usually we choose the memories that we are interested in, that’s why we think that it was better.
Going back to aging it is just alarming how fast time flies. Life goes by in just a blink of an eye. Or we can look at the glass half full and say “time flies when you are having fun”.

Frank and the Pool of Bethesda

For almost two years I have been trying to help a person to commit himself to Jesus Christ.
Before I go any further I must say that it has been an enriching experience. It has been in many instances like looking in the mirror, as he raises some of the questions that I used to have for a long time.
He challenges my mind, my beliefs, and even though that may sound not for everybody it is one of the many reasons why I have not moved on and given up. The other reason is because, although I have not been able to make him jump into the pool of Bethesda, I know that God will use me to eventually touch him, while he touches me and blesses both of us with the JOY of knowing that our creator is in charge, that he did not send his son in vain to die on the cross for all of us, believers and non-believers, Jews and Gentiles.
The power of God, his mercy, his love and compassion are things that are hard to grasp. This is one of the things that Frank has a hard time coming to grips with.
He (Frank) shares a story that many of us can relate to, with family members not sharing the love of Christ with each other and with him. I think this is because of the refusal to turn our lives to him. I, for many years, after my son was diagnosed with Autism, wondered in the wilderness. I walked away from my savior and my creator, and while friends would ask me to come back to church, I had decided, like I used to say, to put God in a drawer. This, contrary to what I thought, did not help me, it made matters worse. The pain was becoming intolerable, until one day a friend of mine said “you cannot go on like this, the pain is too much for one person to bear, and you need to TRUST YOUR SAVIOR, and let him carry the burden”. This was not the first that he had said this. But when you are in the middle of the thunderstorm it is very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that day I said I will try it, I have nothing to lose.
It did work, and even though the pain, like a scar, will never go away, with his help I can face another day.
This, to a certain extent, is what I tell him week after week. Frank like many of us has a hard time letting go. It is difficult, because we are raised under the false premise that we should “take control of our lives”. That is a farce.
He asks me if he jumps into the pool of Bethesda is God going to cure his diabetes, his sleeping disorder, and I say no, those things will not go away. But trusting your creator, passing your cross onto him is the only way to find real peace.

Ian and his impact in our lives

As some of you may know, we have a son that has Autism.
Last year Kean University had a conference on the illness, and there were several auditoriums with different topics. I was invited to be a panelist on one of them. I found myself being the only member of the panel, which had two psychiatrists, and four parents, that had prepared an opening statement, in which I shared my view of what it is like to live with a child that is 15 years with a mental disability that we don’t know yet its cause, and therefore how to treat it. Doctors tend to treat all the effects of Autism, i.e.: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Epilepsy, and other things.
When I was finished reading my remarks I received an applause, which really moved me.
I said in my remarks that although I would love for my son to be “normal”, I could not imagine Ian being any other way. I would give my life for his normality, but I accept God for what he gives us.
Although many times there are lots of frustrations there are also many successes, many rewards, many things to be happy about.
I have learned to appreciate life for what he gives us. I say it is not the destination but the journey where happiness is. If we expect happiness as a destination we miss all the beauty that life gives us during the journey, with its sidetracks, its intersections.
And I think I have to come to understand through faith, knowing that my savior is always with me, helping me carry my cross.
I have also come to conclusion that God will take care of Ian. We can help him with tools to be able to survive, a profession that will help him make a living, wherever that may be. But at the end of the day it will be his creator, in his mercy, in his compassion, in his greater plan for him who will take care of him, who will determine what is Ian’s purpose in this world, just like he has for the rest of us.
As my wife attended the conference with me, although she was not a panelist member of the audience not only asked questions but were also involved in the q & a.
I also talked about the moment that my kids’ pediatrician told me that my son had a mild autism, and as I had never heard of the illness I looked it up on the internet, and how my life was devastated.
These were the same things we were hearing from members of the audience.
As we were driving back we were talking about the people that had attended the conference, and came to the conclusion that most of them were parents of kids that had been recently diagnosed, and we remembered having the same anxieties (not that they totally go away), their pain, their disappointment, their frustration. But as I told these parents at the conference, yesterday is gone, you cannot modify it, tomorrow will take care of itself, that it did not make any sense thinking about the days to come, nothing would change, so the thing that you have is the now, the present. To make the best of it, to enjoy every moment to the fullest, every success, because today will not repeat itself. A Spanish writer called Antonio Machado in one of his poems called “Proverbs and Songs” says: “Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more; wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking. By walking one makes the road, and upon glancing behind one sees the path that will never be trod again (my favorite part). Wanderer, there is no road, only wakes upon the sea”. Because I come from a spanish speaking country, I must admit that I find that passage to have a greater impact in the native tongue.
Coming back to Ian, and thinking about the road, as I look back he has been a great influence, a great blessing and a lesson in our lives.
We go through life desiring what we don’t have without appreciating what surrounds us. That is where God’s blessing is, in all the small and “trivial” things.

Victoria and her future

As my daughter, Victoria, is approaching the end of her high school days new challenges lay ahead for, not only her, but also us.
The first one is the fact that she finds a college that will suit her choice of career, and that accepts her as well. This means trips to different campuses, for interviews, for auditions, to visit them so as to make an educated decision.
The second one is the question that I assume that every parent asks when their child ends high school and starts college, is my child ready for this?
Of course that we would like our children to do and choose what we want, but they have a will themselves. As a Spanish singer called Joan Manuel Serrat says in one of his songs referring to one’s children: “we pass them our fears and our frustrations”.
As believers we must trust our creator to guide and protect our beloved daughter.
Whatever decisions she makes, whatever road she chooses, she will have to live with it.
I know that Victoria is having herself a hard time with all of this. With trying to study at school, stress with the applications, the SAT exam, with interviews that she’s been to, the fact that she will be living, not just far away from home, but primarily far away from her boyfriend for the next few years. The fact that he may choose a career that will require him to study for his masters out of New Jersey.
So many things to worry about.
One of the things that we are reminded of through this whole process is that we are aging, the we are not young anymore, that time flies, and does not stop for any reason. It only seemed like yesterday that she was starting elementary school, and I use to drive her every morning on my way to work.
We will also miss the tremendous help that Victoria has given us with our son. Even in her moments of frustrations, these happen because many times as humans we find ourselves totally overpowered by the circumstances.
But the important thing is that she has a great career, in a profession that she absolutely loves, and she will have all the support of those of us who love her.

Afghanistan

President Obama has said tonight that he will be sending another 30 thousand troops to Afghanistan to fight terrorism.
There is no doubt that politicians are stuck with promises that they make in a campaign that when elected they have no choice to fulfill or it will be used against them at the next opportunity.
Unfortunately he will be sending 30 thousand young people to a never ending conflict. This will be Mr Obama’s Vietnam. I say this because he says that there is a time limit. By doing this he is trying to persuade his base that the troops will not be there forever. By the time this “timeframe” is up he will be stuck with his re-election. He will be then stuck with a quack mire, if he pulls out people are going to label him as a surrender, if he doesn’t then he is not keeping with his promise if a temporary mission.
The easiest way to resolve this and any other conflict such as Iraq is simple, two words people dislike to hear in this country: draft and taxes. The first one because it is a reminder if the last long conflict the US was involved in, Vietnam. Not only long but lack of support, and with an end result that this country has a hard time dealing with: FAILURE. I am a believer in this because it is an equalizer as far as troops are concerned. Even though neo-cons such as Cheney, and former president Bush were able to dodge Vietnam, it still levels the plainfield.
And second taxes. We cannot go on spending billions we do not have and charging the credit card. If we go ahead and have, like FDR had, a war tax, it will force those who benefit the most from wars, and who love beating the drum of war, to pay a much higher part of the taxes.
With these two measures the ordinary person will start being against conflicts, not just these that we are in, but also deter us from future conflicts.
We are willing to spend very easily money we don’t have in conflicts we don’t belong, while we refuse to cover every person living in this country with healthcare, and we are not interested in investing in people’s education.
We need to get our priorities straight unless we are willing to take the same path that took the Roman Empire to its collapse.

Argentina y los Kirchner

A pesar de que han pasado un par de meses desde mi regreso de la Argentina estaba reflexionando sobre dos preguntas que recibí durante mi estadía. La primera era si consideraba volver a vivir a la Argentina en el futuro, y la segunda era como veía al país.
Con respecto a la primera no tengo ninguna intención de tocar porque no está en los planes a corto, mediano o largo, por muchos factores pero primordialmente porque donde vivo es el mejor lugar para criar una persona con una discapacidad, para el presente de esa persona, y primordialmente por su futuro.
Pero me interesa discutir en este blog la segunda pregunta, porque me la hacen todos los años, y porque en los ultimos viajes noto que viene acompañada por un sentimiento de incertidumbre.
Dado que leo el Clarin y la Nacion por medio del internet, eso me mantiene medianamente actualizado de los problemas, de los vaivenes que sufre el país. Pero, al leer lo que más noto es algo, que cuando mi generación era más joven, nunca era un problema. A lo que me estoy refiriendo es a la inseguridad, la violencia que jamás como ahora había existido. Yo he estado hablando con gente amiga, algunos de ellos que no habia visto en casi 40 años, y me dicen estando en la calle, “yo soy un blanco movil acá”. Eso es algo que no se veía desde la época del terrorismo, donde mucha gente de ambos bandos corrían el riesgo de ser secuestrados. Gente como el ex-presidente Aramburu, que fue secuestrado desde su casa.
Escucho de gente que me dice que están siendo gobernados por terroristas, que una epoca eran considerados anti-establishment y ahora son el establishment.
Tambien leo y escucho que mucho de los problemas están relacionados a la droga. Esto no me llama la atención, dado que después de las armas las drogas son el negocio mas grande del mundo.
Pero me parece que el principal problema que tiene la Argentina es que tiene en el poder a un grupo de sin vergüenzas que han encontrado una forma de mantener una dinastía en el poder. Primero fue electo el señor Kirchner como presidente. Armó toda una estructura para que su señora fuese electa al puesto que el tenía. El gobernaría desde la sombra, y su mujer pondría la cara.
Ellos consideraban que con fraude, comprando al pueblo por medio de pagarles para que votaran de una cierta manera, iban a mantenerse en el poder por los siglos.
Pero siempre recuerdo a un muy buen amigo, que siempre dice que ha vivido más que yo. que me dijo una expresión en ingles que dice asi “power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely”. Eso significa: el poder corrompe, el poder absolute corrompe absolutamente.
Me parece un análisis no sólo interesante sino también sabio e inteligente.
Volviendo a nuestros amigos de la historia, los Kirchner, no contaban con que la gente se podría cansar de farzas, de mentiras, de prepoteadas, como el caso de movilizar a los sindicatos para no permitir al Clarin y a La Nacion su circulación, de robar de las arcas del país para comprar hoteles de lujo, ropa, joyas; de robarle al campo, de robar las jubilaciones privadas. Todo esto para mantener una imagen.
Y así fue, la gente voto en contra cuando llego el momento de renovar al congreso. Nadie duda que los Kirchner se irán sin patalear, pero sus días como mandatarios estan contados.
Como alguien que vive en el exterior, pero con muchos vinculos al país, miro con optimismo al futuro de la Argentina, porque muchas veces es dificil dar la espalda al que le esta dando de comer a uno, pero también es parte del crecimiento saber cortar el cordón umbilical.

Real Estate

Very recently I helped some good friends of mine sell their house, which is what I do for a living. As many sellers in this market, they believed that they were letting their house go for a lot less than what it was worth. In reality it is a tough market for sellers and for realtors, as it is very difficult to really estimate what the real value of the houses are in a market like this, with high unemployment, and few buyers. It is a buyer’s market in every single aspect.
On the other hand buyers right now are being totally unrealistic in their expectations. They think they can choose the least expensive house in a town, which in many instances is a short sale, or a house that is bank owned, and then come and lowball it.
What buyers don’t seem to understand is that by taking this position they will lose on the greatest opportunities that have existed in a generation, with low home values AND low interests, and, on top of everything, Uncle Sam is giving them a tax credit to purchase a house of $8000. This market will not last forever, and by the time that people wake up to reality they will be paying either higher values and/or higher interest rates.
We, many times in the industry, talk about the concept of educating customers. But unfortunately either because there are lots of realtors out there who are not making any money, and they don’t want to antagonize potential buyers, and therefore potential pay checks, or because buyers think they know it all, and they think that this will last forever, and that they can wait a little bit longer until it hits rock bottom. That, unfortunately never happens, as we find out when it is already on the rebound.
A good friend of mine says that realtors should not say anything that would upset buyers and just represent their interest with no say in it. I find that absolutely ridiculous, and the reason of this is because realtors are there to help that buyer reach the right price on the offer that he wants to make. If not one is doing a disservice to that buyer. Many times buyers will come back after they lost a house on which they made an offer because their offer was too low and try to blame the realtor for not having them guide them in a successful bid of the house. As always, people want to have it both ways.

Wal-Mart and the industrialized countries

A few days ago they showed on Tv a documentary about the largest company in the world, Wal-Mart, and its destructive policies not only in the domestic front but also overseas. They say that they save $3100 per family per year. What they do not say is that they impoverish their employees, their families, and the communities, in which they open the stores, as they put out of business every single Mom and Pap store, destroying small businesses. They don’t believe in organized labor, they don’t provide health care coverage. They have the highest turnover in the US.
Some friends of mine on both sides of aisle believe it is wonderful to export jobs out of the US. I look at China, where American companies invest in slave jobs that pay very little more than the average Chinese job does. This documentary showed Chinese workers working 20 hours or more per shift, in inhumane conditions. I wouldn’t consider that an improvement of their standard of living. And it is very easy to say the amount of Chinese that are able to consume, that is a joke. When you have 1.3 billion people, by just having 1% of the population that can consume, that is 13 million consumers. What about the vast majority of the population in China, how do they live?
Let’s look at another good example of how we improved people out of the US at the expense of American jobs. Many Mexicans came to live right across from the US with plants being built by American companies. The areas where the people had to live had no running water, no public facilities, raw sewage, and companies would not hire men, only women. Do we call that an improvement in their standard of living. Those are not new consumers of our products. They can’t afford them.
CAFTA is another example of enslaving locals for the benefit of a few who reap the benefit. Those local people are not able to consume the goods they produce.
Once these people reach a level where they can see the benefit of their labor I don’t take their jobs seriously.
Companies don’t build plants to help people overseas, they only do it to save money on labor costs.
And it isn’t just American companies doing this. This happens in Europe as well. Western European companies build factories in Eastern Europe to save money, not to improve the standard of living of those people making the goods.
And it also applies with pollution. A Finish paper company built a paper factory on the banks of the Uruguay River. Of course they say that this will create jobs, but at what cost to the people, to the environment. If it would be such a wonderful proposition they would have built it in Finland. But why not export the pollution to the undeveloped world? The interesting thing is that none of the paper produced stays in Uruguay, it goes back to Finland.

Lieberman

As we read that Joe Lieberman says publicly that he will join republicans in a fillibuster to stop a public option, I stop to think after everything that Lieberman has done to betray the Democratic Party why is he still the chairman of the Homeland Security Committee.
As a democrat myself and as was one of the ones who said that after not only endorsing McCain but also calling Obama a marxist and a muslim, he not only should not have been offered the chairmanship, but he should have been cut loose by the democratic party. I always remember a friend of mine when I was growing up used to say if a dog bites you need to put it down, because he will do it over and over. And the democrats do not seem to learn with him.
The list of things he has done against the party seems to never end: during the time of the democrats in the minority he stopped several fillibusters, (bankruptcy bill in 2005, Bush federal judges in 2005), he voted to confirm Alberto Gonzalez, endorsed McCain’s position on privatization of Social Security, quit the Democratic Party after loosing to the primary in 2006, and ran as an independent, encouraged war with Iran, defended Anti-Semitic Pator John Hagee, voted against waterboarding ban, defends war in Iraq. He is wrong in every single position.
Friends of mine would probably say that Jesus would have been forgiving, and that Obama used that principle.
I say it is time to remove him from any seniority position he may have within the Democratic caucus. His positions are not in line with the Democratic Party, they are more with the republicans, so let him go and knock on their door begging for a position on their side of the aisle. He doesn’t deserve preferential treatment by neither Reid nor Obama in the senate. With friends like him who needs enemies.

Having the blues

I don’t know if things are affecting me more these days, or is it that I am getting old, or the fact that my last trip to Argentina was full of reunions of different types, but I have noticed my feelings to be a lot more raw in these last few days. They are not raw in the untreatable sense, but more in the melancholic side.
Things as irrelevant as the death of a musician that I met on a flight, but had left her influence in other ways, primarily through her music touched a nerve, and brought tears to my ears the first few hours after hearing of her death. I have always been what my wife would call a masochist. I’ve always thought of myself as a sensitive person. Music has always played a big role in my life since my early high school days, and even though I’ve never played an instrument, it has always been a factor for highs and lows. And these can come in many different ways, through Karen Carpenter singing “A Song for you” as an example, or The Beatles, Indian music, etc.
But because I have a different schedule than the rest of my family I listen to lots of music when I am alone. I also listen to music while I’m driving. My wife, there she goes again, would say that I am stuck in the ‘70s. There is some truth in that. I guess it’s because I grew up with it, and many times it has a special meaning for me, it represents a different time in my life.
I don’t complain about the time that I am living now, it is all I have, but looking back there is no doubt that those were easier days, primarily because we were irresponsible, we were invulnerable. I am thankful for those days, although I don’t long for them. I am conscious that the now is what I have, and I try to make the best of it.
But because every year once I get back from my home town, I go through a period that I would call bleeding, and I didn’t do it this year, I guess I am going through a little bit of the blues now. This year I thought I’m not going to allow this to happen. But sooner or later it had to catch up with me. I guess it will be over in a few days; in the meantime I will try to keep my mind busy with other things, like I always try to do.
I admit that many times I look around in the area where I live, and falling trap to stereotyping, which is funny because I hate it, I think that people are cold, to the extreme of insensitivity. I wonder if that is just a mask to hide their feelings and their vulnerability. And this is not only true with strangers, but with people that I have known for a longer time, some of them since I have moved to this area. In many instances, although I have known for almost 25 years, I still don’t feel that I know them completely.
I was talking to a former schoolmate yesterday, a person that I saw at the reunion we had this year in Argentina, and that before that I had not seen or spoken to in 34 years, and when I talk to her it’s like talking to somebody that I have never stopped talking to or seeing. I wonder why that is the case.
And I also think if it is my Latin upbringing, not because I am of Latin descent as I am a Celt and a Saxon, but I feel that there is more of a sense of warmness, more of a sense of friendship in the real meaning. I have a good friend whom I say that he is like my adopted parent, as he is my mother’s age, and also because my parents live 5000 miles away, unfortunately I helped him sell his house. During the whole process I had mixed feelings, on a one hand it is what I do for a living, but on the other my feelings were getting in the way, because I knew that he was moving away. Although he is not across the globe I don’t have the luxury of just driving a few minutes and having a round of discussion, healthy and enriching, at least in my case, like we used to. This has not helped either with my blues. Time is a great heeler, and with God’s help everything is possible.

Testimonio a Mercedes Sosa

"Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto, Así yo distingo dicha de quebranto, los dos materiales que forman mi canto, y el canto de ustedes que es el mismo canto y el canto de todos, que es mi propio canto." La letra de Violeta Parra que Mercedes Sosa canto como si fuese de ella, sintiendose identificada con esas palabras. Para los que quedamos, y nos sentimos identificados con esa letra, y muchas otras que Mercedes Sosa canto desde el fondo de su corazon, con esa voz del interior, muchas veces con dolor, pero tambien muchas veces con alegria como cuando cantaba “Para las otras no, pa' las del norte si, para las de Simoca, mis ansias locas de estar allí para brindarles mi alma en esta zamba que canto aquí”, nos queda la bendicion que fue su vida.
Debemos dar gracias a Dios por su vida y por su legado.
Queria a su Argentina como la queremos todos, a pesar de haberse ido del pais por motives que ahora no son relevantes.
Para aquellos que tuvimos la oportunidad de verla, sabemos que se brindaba. Tenia una vision muy distinta en la faz laboral dado que tocaba con gente como Milton Nascimento, Fito Paez, Charly Garcia, Leon Gieco y muchos otros. Ella veia la integracion de Latinoamerica.
Mi esposa y yo tuvimos oportunidad de viajar en una vuelo de Pan Am con ella y con Domingo Cura, y la Sra. Sosa era exactamente igual fuera del escenario como en el escenario, autentica. Recuerdo que despues de sacarnos una foto con ella y con Domingo Cura, nos dijo gracias.
Mucho podemos decir de nuestra querida Negra pero nos quedan sus emociones, su voz que nunca se apagara, porque ponia pasion en todo lo que hacia, no importa cuanto podamos estar de acuerdo o no con sus posiciones politicas pero lo que si podemos decir es que todo lo hacia con conviccion.
Adios Mercedes “Negra” Sosa.
Te vamos a extrañar.

Marriage

During my recent trip to Argentina we were sitting at a table talking about different issues, some of them local, which I hardly have an opinion on, believe it or not, but one that kept coming up was the fact that most of our generation’s marriages have ended in divorce. We were counting at the table and out of 7 people sitting there, 5 were divorced. That leaves only 2 of us still living with our first spouses. And the first thing that came to mind was that statistics show in the US that out of all marriages 50% or more will end in divorce. Well, at the table that evening, that wasn’t even close, it was more like 70%. I understand that marriage is not an easy enterprise but that seems like a high number. I am not trying to condemn anybody, I am only stating a fact. The other thing that I found interesting is that many people, some of them who’ve had previous marriages and have failed, have taken the route of just living together. I am a very liberal individual, and again not trying to pass judgment here, but I find it hard to believe when people are asked if they have any intentions of formalizing their relationship, which means marrying the person they are living with, most of times I get the same answer: “we are fine the way we are”. That gives the feeling of insecurity, of unwillingness to jump into the pool. From the outside it sounds like I like you but I am not willing to make a commitment to you and to myself that we are in it for the long run. I understand newly couples who are testing to waters and are not sure about each other, and I am ok with that. But when the relationship has been there for a while I think it is just “living in sin” for the fun of it. This also happens with couples who have never been married and have been living together for quite some time. There are sections of our society who want this right and are denied the possibility of marriage, but because of religious and other reasons people of the same sex are not able to enjoy all the benefits and hardships that heterosexuals have in the USA with the exception of a few states that have embrace the concept.
But going back to why this alarming number of marriage breakups is happening the theme that kept coming up was that some divorces were being caused in part because of the change in women’s rolls. I know that I will make many enemies with this but again this is the feedback I am getting. Women went from being, as I call it, “home stayers” to be out there in huge numbers in the workforce. What do I mean by home stayers, my mother’s generation, and previous to that as well, women would stay at home raising the kids, washing, cooking, etc. For many reasons women have gone into the workforce, and I sympathize with most of them. On a one hand there is no doubt that today’s society has put a much bigger burden on families because of the high cost of medical bills, education, etc. But women have become, in many instances as well, CEOs, and other high position, and unfortunately it has affected relationships. And this is where I see a problem. I read what the Apostle Paul (St. Paul for many Christians) says in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13 vers. 4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” That, I think, is and should always be a tremendous message to both men and women who want to use their position in a relationship as a way of extortion. We, many times here the phrase: I have my own money. That sounds to me like boasting.
I don’t blame women for all divorces, that would not only be unfair but it would also be categorical, and I don’t believe in things being categorical. I guess it will take men and women to get used to their new roles in this modern society we live in.

Vacation 2009

As my stay in Argentina is winding down, and I am almost with a foot on the plane I cannot help but think, as I do every year that I come here, what will the next 12 months have in store for me until I return to my place of birth.
I admit that I take my visit here as the beginning of the (fiscal) year, but also from other perspectives. I guess it’s because of the football season, the basketball, which means that winter is just round the corner in New Jersey. Here, in Buenos Aires, people are counting the days until spring. It is very funny to see them in thick jackets, overcoats and scarfs with temperatures in the 40s and 50s. They even had days when the temperature went up to 80s. In winter. This would be considered spring at home, but here people talk about the cold as if they lived in the pole. The maximum clothing I’ve wore has been a light jacket that I wear in early fall.
There are always reasons for sadness when I leave my country, family of course is number one. The fact that my parents are entering, what they call, the final approach after a long and rewarding journey, is of concern. Not of their final destination, because I know that my savior came to die for us and conquer death, but as humans, we, many times, are selfish, and want them to stay longer in this brief stay of us in this world that we loosely call life. So, hopefully, when I come back the following year and find them here it is a time of rejoice again, a time of thanksgiving.
This year I also take with me the happiness of having seen again many friends, some that I haven’t seen in 35 years, others 27, 23, 16, and some that I see every year and that hold great value for me.
I am also very grateful that God has given us the possibility to come here, given us safety as we travel and more than anything else, given us good health. I always wonder when people treasure other things more, such as money. There are many things in life that money has no part of. Somebody said many years ago: “There where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be.” Words of knowledge.
We tend to rush through life without a compass, just pedaling full speed ahead, to come to the conclusion, late in the journey, that we missed some valuable gifts that life had laid ahead of us only to embrace and appreciate things that were not important, or that left anything special in our lives, or the lives of others.

A mis ex-compañeros de colegio

Ahora que se hizo el ultimo brindis, y que todo ha vuelto a la normalidad, es el tiempo de una refleccion. Podemos hacer dos tipos de reflexiones, una de melacolia y tristeza, u otra de alegria. Como humanos es muy facil caer en la tentacion de la tristeza, del bajon, luego de la exhuberancia, de la adrenalina de todo el planeamiento. Las expectativas, hasta cierto punto, son lo que a uno lo siguen motivando, aunque haya obstaculos. Los obstaculos son imposibles de evitar. Hay cosas como la distancia, la salud, y muchas otras cosas que vienen a la mente, que tienen un papel muy importante en esto. Pero la idea de poder pasar el tiempo hablando, en muchos casos recordando las cosas que haciamos, en otras charlando de no solamente el pasado pero de la era post secundaria, y experiencias, es muy valorable. Para mi, y no creo que hable por mi solamente, no eran unicamente amigos, dado que todos hemos dejado una marca en el otro, de una manera u otra. La prueba de ello es que podiamos hablar y remontarnos a hechos como si hubiesen transcurrido ayer. Esto es donde la melancholia puede introducirse. Pero este no es el caso. La gran mayoria del tiempo era alegria y jolgorio. Y esto es donde la alegria entra en escena. Porque soy un creyente que la vida se vive una sola vez, deberiamos valorar cada momento, dado que no se volvera a repetir. Mas que nada siempre se agradecido por lo que tu creador te ha dado, y te da todos los dias de tu vida. Tomamos siempre las cosas como que nunca van a faltar, sin darnos cuenta que la vida se pasa en un abrir y cerrar de ojos. Para cuando nos damos cuenta la gran mayoria sino toda laq vida ya ha pasado.
Cuando uno es joven y normalmente rebelde no es consciente del tiempo. Puedo hablar de esto por un rato largo pero no es el objetivo de este blog.
Para cerrar me gustaria decir que estoy eternamente agradecido a todos por haber tirado todos en una misma direccion y haberlo logrado.
Muchos de mis ex-compañeros se pasaron los dias previos, durante e inclusive despues de la fiesta dandome gracias por haber puesto tanto esfuerzo en esto. Y yo podria darme una palmada en la espalda y decir “HICISTE UN BUEN TRABAJO”, y eso seria no unicamente fanfarroneria sino tambien desonesto. No era la promocion de Alejandro Anderson, sino la promocion del ’74. Esto fue un trabajo en equipo. Y por este motive fue un exito. Yo solamente tuve un sueño, y gracias al esfuerzo y trabajo de todos nosotros puedo entonces ahi decir: “LO HICIMOS”, “LOGRAMOS QUE ESTO FUESE UN EXITO”.
Como vengo de lejos quiero hacer una mencion a los que tuvieron que viajar lejos de sus hogares por esto.
Amigos mios los quiero, y siempre los querre.
DIOS LOS BENDIGA

To my shcoolmates

Now that the last toast was made, and the dust has settled, it is time to have a reflection. We can have a reflection of melancholy or we can have a reflection of happiness. As humans it is very easy to fall trap to the sadness, to the low, after the exuberance, the adrenaline of the whole planning. The expectations are, to a certain extent, what keep you going, even when there are hurdles. And the hurdles are unavoidable. There are things such as distance, health, and many others that come to mind, that play a major role in this. But the idea of being able to spend time talking, in some instances remembering the things we used to do, in others discussing the not so old past but just the after high school life and experiences with old friends, is precious. For me they were not just friends, and I don’t think that I only speak for myself here, as each one has left his mark in each other, in one way or another. The proof of it is that we were able to go back in time and talk of things as if they had just happened yesterday. This is where melancholy can sip in. But that was not the case. Most of it was laughter and joy. And this is where the happiness comes into the picture. Because I am a believer that we live only once, and we should cherish every moment that passes, as it will never repeat itself again. More than anything always be thankful for what our creator has given, and give us on a daily basis. We tend to take things for granted not realizing that life goes by in just a blink. By the time you realize most if not all has gone by. When you are young and usually restless you are not consciousness about time. We can go on with this topic forever but that is not the goal of this blog.
To close I would to say that I am very grateful to everybody for pulling together and make this happen. Most of my former schoolmates spent some of the time during the days ahead, throughout, and even after the party thanking me for having put some much effort into it. And I can pad myself in the back saying “YOU DID IT”, and that would be not only presumptuous but also dishonest. We were not the class of Alec Anderson we were the class of ’74. This was a team effort. And because of that it was successful. I only had a dream, and because of the effort, support and work of all us I can say: “WE DID IT”, “WE MADE IT HAPPEN”.
As I come from far away I want to thank those who had to leave their families for this event.
I love you guys, I’ll always will.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL

The USA and its future

A friend of mine, for whom I have great admiration because of his years as a missionary, for investing his life into putting in practice the great commission where Jesus commanded us to: “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." He has done exactly that.
I am deeply saddened that he has moved, but through the wonders of the internet still have him close to me.
In his blog he makes reference to something that, as a foreigner, I always wondered how people in this United States never objected to, and that is the outrageous income of CEOs. As somebody who believes in real competition when companies are profitable I accept well paying jobs for everybody, shareholders, employees, management. But I find amazing that the shareholders don’t question the performance of CEOs who have run the companies to the ground. They still pay them grotesque payoffs even though they didn’t deserve them.
There are a couple of things, and I know that it sounds repetitive, but as a foreigner I probably notice that other people overlook, one is the fact the US is heading rapidly to, what I call, the 14th of July of 1789. To most Americans that means nothing. But to those of us who still remember history from high school, that was Bastille Day, or the French Revolution. What significance does that have, for starters it is the public revolting against the authorities, what Leona Helmsley would call the “little people” revolting against their repressors. And why is this of significance? Because many times during history powerful people would exploit, curtail people’s civil liberties. In my view this sounds similar to what corporations (powerful people hiding behind large entities) are doing. The gap between the haves and have nots is becoming unsustainable. In order for Capitalism to survive, consumption of goods to exist, we need a big middle class to consume those goods. When jobs are exported for the benefit of the few, those people who had good paying jobs no longer have them, and their capacity to consume has been drastically reduce.
The second thing is when I think of what brought the Roman Empire, to a certain extent, to its demise: a Senate out of touch with the needs of the population, an uneducated population, corruption, degradation, the overextension of the empire. This sounds awfully familiar with what the US is going through right now. The lack of education allows thing to happen such as people being mislead into conflicts with other countries, with false information, having their civil liberties totally violated on false reasons, being told that if the government provides a public option in healthcares it will mean death camps for the elderly. If people would have tools, such as reliable means of information, that put news and public at the core of their business, and not the bottom line and the interest of the few at the expense of the public, figures like Walter Cronkite who were trusted by the audience. The public is scared and justifiably so, because they don’t know where to turn to in order to make an educated decision of what is wrong and write.
All this is troubling because when times are good there is usually nothing to worry about, but when times are rough people panic.
For somebody like myself who feels that has passed the midterm line of his life I always wonder what lays in the future for my kids. And based on what I have said already above everything in my mind tells me that “interesting” days lay ahead.

Argentina 2009

I have been back in Argentina for a few days, and even though it is my place of birth I no longer feel it as my home. It is just the place where I grew up and where family and some good friends live.
Nevertheless this year will have a special meaning as we have been planning a school reunion. Many of us have not seen each other in 35 years, a long time, at least in our lifetime, because we all are are in our early fifties. My grandfather used to say that in the mind of those who leave the ones who stay don’t age. That is a true statement, although not true in reality, unless you are John Lennon, John F. Kennedy or any other famous personality who will always stay young, because they died young, and in our mind they will never age. I have already discovered what it means to face somebody one hasn’t seen in such a long period of time. Neither that person nor myself could recognize each other at the beginning. I later made a comment to my parents that I was, to a certain degree, in shock with the way the other person looked. They said that I was probably still expecting to find the same young girl that I remembered from November of ’74, to which I admitted that it was true. They then said something that is very true: “have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You have aged as well”. I never thought of that.
As far as the reunion is concerned I feel proud to have come up with the idea. And even though some people have told me that I am longing for that period, or that I don’t want to grow up, that is absolutely false, and nonsense. There are several reasons why I thought of this: One is, like I told one of my former schoolmates the other day, I have come to the conclusion that I have passed the halfway mark of my life, and that the second half will pass, or should I say is passing much quicker than the first one; two, we were the first promotion in that school, we were only six women, and six men. Of those twelve, one is no longer on this world. Due to the fact that we were so few each one has left a mark in each other. We were very united. And some have maintained friendship during all these years, but not all of us. And last but not least I was intrigued to see what had become of them. Had they married, did they have kids, what kind of careers had they pursued, etc.
One of the first persons I had spoken to during all this, and that does not live in Buenos Aires (where the reunion is taking place), that means she is coming just for this, was asking me yesterday if I felt important. The answer is NO. I am extremely happy that this is taking place. I deserve the same credit as the people who are travelling by coach for 14 hours just to be here for this. My greatest goal is that after I go back to New Jersey, where I live, that they stay in contact with each other. Some of them, as I said earlier, live far away. But some of them lived 5 or 10 minutes away from each other, and had lost contact . That is a sin. I live 5,000 miles away, and will do whatever it takes to stay in contact with them. I encouraged most, if not all of them, to become members, if they were not already, of facebook, as it gave them the opportunity to see each others photographs, have each others email, etc.
I know we will have a great time regardless of the way we look.

Obama and Race

When I moved to the USA in 1985 and started attending Madison Avenue CRC I felt that that racial issues, to a certain degree, had been resolved. Having come myself from a country that did not have any black people this was a feeling, a sentiment that I had never been exposed to. When we traveled with the family to Atlanta one thing that surprised me, when we took the bus in downtown to visit the historic sites that had been part of Martin Luther King Jr.’s life, was the fact that the only non African Americans on the mass transport were the four of bus. It did not bother me just surprised me. As we were driving back from Atlanta I saw a car in the Carolinas that in the rear seat had a confederate flag. When during the campaign of 2008 Rev. Jeremiah Wright made some questionable comments the press was all over them. Obama then had to detach, disassociate himself from Rev. Wright.
But when Pastor Anderson from Arizona prayed for Obama’s death most of press not only did not question this but, with the exception of a few honest venues that reported it, did not even show it on their news networks.
As a foreigner, as an observer, I was hopeful last November that America had moved forward, that it was starting to come to terms with a dreadful period of its history, and just like Martin Luther King Jr. had said that we should judge a man by his character and not by the color of his skin.
But it seems that this country not only did not accept a man with a different skin color, but that it will find anything to discredit him and in the case of Pastor Anderson inciting to commit murder in his congregation, followed also by the nonsense of the proof of his citizenship. Since when are we so concerned with proof of citizenship of a president, requiring birth certificate (that already has been provided)? How come we never questioned anything regarding McCain and the fact that he was born in Panama?
And, as a Christian myself, I must say that the worst in this case are Southern Christians. They remind me of the times of South African apartheid when whites use to say that the bible was written for the white man. I have not found anything that would validate that in the bible. I guess that they have never been to Israel/Palestine and have seen what a pure Sabra looks like. They would be in shock to understand that they savior was not a white blonde man with blue eyes. But more than that, after 24 years of living in this wonderful, fascinating and ever changing country, my biggest disappointment are a vast portion of evangelicals, who use the bible not as the word of God for the good, for the Glory of our creator, to share the good news, but for their own advantage. I have been trying to disciple a gentleman with whom I share age, and probably other things as well. And he tells me that most of the, and I quote, so-called Christians do not behave in a Christian way. I also have my daughter who feels disillusioned with Christianity, an opinion I don’t agree with, but I respect and understand. She says that “most” Christians are hypocrites, a view that I don’t share, because that would be too drastic of a position. But here is a list of things I don’t agree with some evangelicals: their view of the invasion of Iraq, their view on the role of America in terms of imperialism, in the total disregard of other countries sovereignty, in the total lack of compassion for the needy, the fact that we are caretakers of God’s precious land and resources.
Those are not the reason our Lord gave his life on the cross.
I am not saying that ALL Christians behave in this way, it is probably that the ones who are most noticeable are those who enjoy positions of privilege. To whom much is given much is expected.

Healthcare

Today for a while I felt fear. Fear that maybe I had skipped some years of my life and was living in the horror of Obamacare, and the horrendous waiting lists that would come with it, just as in the UK, Canada, France, and the rest of the industrialized world. I felt a chill down my spine.
But then I realized that it was still 2009, and I felt much better. I felt great that I had not lost those years, that hopefully I would be able to live and enjoy them.
But then reality hit me. Those nightmares of having to wait for months for a doctor's visit were not part of the future, they are the present that I, and many others, have to live with. My son needs to wait until November for an appointment so he can get medication that he takes every day during school year. The previous doctor said one day that she couldn’t see my son anymore because the institution where she attended patients would not accept insurance any longer because Medicaid and Medicare paid her more with less paperwork. So much for the great choices we have now.
For those of us who have family members who need to take medication due to some illness , and whose insurance companies do not want to pay for doctors visits, or who require us to pay large amounts for medication and for co-pays, the concept of having a system where the haves would be obliged to pay for those of us who are less fortunate sounds like a logical idea. For those who have, have because the US has blessed. So the right thing to do is to give back a fraction of their blessing, and not to spend more than what they would have to share just to defeat legislation, and keep those who have not always under their control.

It is very simple for people who don’t have any disabilities to believe that paying for those who need it is not their obligation. Neither is it for the retired person to pay for other people’s kids education. But that is what living in society is.

I used to work with a gentleman who, although with residence in Canada, was contracted by the company where I was working at the time. And I noticed that one day he comes in with braces, so he was telling me that as an adult he had to pay in Canada a small fee for those braces, and that if you were a minor they were free. We recently finished paying for braces for my daughter. The cost was $5,000.00. When my son made his 6 month teeth cleaning the dentist said that we should be considering braces for him as well. Just the thought of it makes me depressed. I love when conservatives overlook all these details. They only point out to the fact that people need to wait 6 months for a breast implant. And they do this because we (unfortunately) live in a clueless, uneducated, uniformed society who can be told that the Martians are coming and they freak out.